


I don't want to wake it up, the devil in me

by DrewWrites



Series: The Perfectly Flawed [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Emotional Abuse, M/M, Past Abuse, Team Bonding, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 11:38:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17202761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrewWrites/pseuds/DrewWrites
Summary: Peter's definition of love comes in the form of mystery and deception. For him, that's just how it is. Always will be.





	I don't want to wake it up, the devil in me

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Devil in Me by Halsey.
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this, and I may have projected a bit, but I think it turned out pretty decent.
> 
> As far as how long I've been away, I have no excuse.

Yondu had introduced them when Peter was 18. He’d been a ravager for a while, but there were still things that left him awestruck. Like the fact that a stunningly handsome and _tall_ human male was on the same ship as him, breathing the same air as him.

To Peter’s teenager brain, this man was a God among mortals.

Yondu finished his introduction of Peter, and God-man stuck his hand out.

“Hey sweetheart, name’s Wesley,” the God-man, Wesley, said. His voice was just as entrancing as his face. It was so foreign to Peter’s ears, and he didn’t really seem to have a placeable accent.

“Uh.” Peter blinked a few times. Yondu rolled his eyes and wandered off to another part of the ship.

Wesley raised and eyebrow, and Peter blushed, finally taking his hand. Wesley’s grip was strong.

“I’m Peter, but I guess Yondu already told you that, huh?” Peter would be cursing himself for acting like a 15 year old, but he was too busy appreciating Wesley’s arm muscles to really care. After a few too-long moments, Peter pulled his hand back.

“I guess he did. So is everyone on this ship adorable, or is it a human thing?”

“It must be a human thing, because you’re the prettiest thing I’ve seen in years,” was Peter’s weak response.

Wesley’s grin was almost feral, but Peter barely noticed.

\---

Peter shook the memory of their meeting out of his head. He had a mission to focus on now. He grabbed his blaster off of the wall, and waltzed off the Milano.

Morag was his first stop after leaving Yondu’s ship. Well, second stop, if you include the pit stop and the night with the closest consenting adult he could find.

There was a powerful artifact or weapon or something left here, and he needed something to do so he could stop his brain from going into a spiral.

The planet was relatively easy to navigate, and he made the journey more enjoyable with Redbone’s _Come and Get Your Love_. He let himself get carried away by the thump of the music through his headphones.

Leaping over crevices was just a part of his choreography, fighting resident un-friendlies was just a part of the performance. Nothing was out the ordinary here, just a man and his walkman against the world.

Far, far away from home.

Peter shook that thought out of his head with a flourish.

He made it out with the orb eventually, but not without some stupid guards firing at him, of course.

\---

He _knows_ it’s not Yondu’s fault, but Peter can’t shake the fact that it was him who introduced Wesley.

He isn’t mad at Yondu, at least he doesn’t think he his. He’s more so just _mad_. He’s mad that he didn’t see the thousand red flags, the subtle way he was controlled. He’s mad at himself for caring about it so much.

All Wesley is, or ever will be, is some failed relationship. It didn’t have to be more than that.

But it was more than that, wasn’t it?

\---

Yondu was mad at him. Again. Oddly, Peter didn’t care this time. He was tired of listening to him.

Why should Yondu have any authority over him, anyway? He had his own ship now, his own life.

He made his own decisions now. Made friends with whoever he damn well pleased. Loved and lusted after whoever he damn well pleased.

He would never go back to that damn ship again. He would never risk it.

He had to get to Xandar before Yondu and his crew did. He could sell the orb, and use the money to kickstart his solo adventure.

Despite everything, he still wishes Wesley could still be by his side.

\---

“You’re doing that wrong, sweetheart,” came Wesley’s voice. Peter twisted around and raised an eyebrow. Wesley hesitated for a beat before walking over the paneling Peter was working on.

“The wires should go the other way, here let me show you.” Peter stepped aside wordlessly. He watched as Wesley worked, his hands flying carefully around the broken electronics.

“Thanks. Didn’t know you knew electrical engineering,” Peter commented.

“My dad made me take apart and rebuild ships before I could step foot near a cockpit.”

“So you could basically fly solo?”

Wesley paused and turned toward Peter.

“Always better with a partner.”

\---

Nothing ever goes according to plan, not with his luck.

So instead of being loaded with money, he’s in the Kyln. 

It doesn’t end there, oh no, he’s somehow forced into a group consisting of one talking racoon (who doesn’t know what racoons are), one talking tree (that hasn’t stopped introducing himself), and one angry green lady (who is both attractive and fucking terrifying).

It gets even worse when Peter has to save angry alien woman from angry alien man.

All in all, their escape goes pretty well.

Peter has four strangers on his ship, in his home, and he isn’t sure how to feel. He vowed never let anyone again, but here he was, on a mission to find some asshole called The Collector.

The group is very odd, but he’s not complaining. His life has been the boring for two years.

\---

Wesley appeared next to Peter, turning to look out the window along with him.

“Found you. You gonna keep staring at stupid stars, or are you gonna dance with me?” Wesley grabbed Peter’s wrist and tugged slightly, and Peter turned to look at him.

“Me? Dance with you? I’m no good.” Peter watched as Wesley’s face broke out in a huge grin. His heart skipped a few beats.

“I’ll teach you. You just gotta trust me, sweetheart.”

\---

Maybe this band of losers isn’t so bad.

Rocket and Groot are a bit of an odd couple. Groot is good muscle, but Rocket is abrasive and rude. Peter’s grown used to seeing through this brand of deflection. Yondu uses it to hide just how much guilt and self hatred he’s carrying around. Maybe Peter picked up a few similar habits along the way.

Drax is jarringly honest. Peter unexpectedly finds safety in his companionship.

Gamora has this way about her. Deep down, Peter doesn’t want to trust her, but he does. He can see that she’s fighting for something good, something pure.

Peter almost dies for them. He’s not sure how to feel about it.

\---

Groot is dead. They’re alive and Groot is dead. Peter has already lost a member of his new family.

Ronan dies next.

Peter learns that part of him is unhuman.

\---

Somehow, five of them end up on the Milano together.

Despite every stupid fear of Peter’s, he’s let himself build a family. He’s on good terms with Yondu, too.

He’s trying his best to give them all a chance. Trying to trust them fully.

He shouldn’t.

He does.

And memories proving that it’s a bad idea creep in like smoke.

\---

Peter rolled over in his bed and onto Wesley, adjusting so that his head rested on Wesley’s bare chest.

“Do you ever wish you had made a different decision, that you had never left Terra?” He felt Wesley shift underneath him.

“Why, are you not happy with me?” Wesley sounded genuinely hurt, and Peter’s heart clenched.

“No! I mean, of course I’m happy with you. I just miss somethings, some people, and my brain wanders down that path sometimes.”

“Those people don’t matter anymore, love. You have me,” Wesley affirmed. He wrapped his arms around Peter’s torso, and pressed a kiss to his hair. Peter nodded.

“You always have me.”

\---

Peter paced around his sleeping quarters. His music was blasting through his headphones at full volume. Every now and then he would stop to sit down on his bed and squeeze his eyes shut, but his brain wouldn’t stop.

All of the memories and thoughts in head were so loud that he couldn’t tell who was hurling insults at him anymore, himself or-

His door opened as he turned, and Gamora walked in. He quickly schooled his face into a neutral expression and turned off his walkman.

“We’ll be arriving soon. The Sovereign will expect us to be ready.” Peter gave a curt nod.

“I’m right behind you.”

The door shut behind Gamora, and Peter glanced at his walkman one more time.

It was time to get to work.

\---

“Peter honey, I’m so sorry. It will never happen again. I was drunk sweetheart, it was so stupid. I was just so hurt over our fight. Please forgive me, will you forgive me?” Wesley looked like he was about to cry. Peter’s resolve broke.

“I’m sorry, I forgive you.”

\---

Peter’s dad was alive. He was in front of him, and alive. It was too good to be true. It was too coincidental, too lucky.

It could be a trap, a trick, it could be a stalker. He could be sent by-

No. He was allowed this. He was allowed to have a family. A real family.

\---

He was having lunch with Wesley again. He was trying his best to enjoy it, but he was having a hard time ignoring their shadow.

Yondu wouldn’t stop spying on them. Peter had tried to explain that it was an accident, that Wesley would never do something like that again, but Yondu had just shook his head and silently walked away.

He had forgiven Wesley, why was it so hard for everyone else?

 

“Something on your mind baby?” Peter was jolted back to the lunch table.

“Yondu is still following us,” Peter blurted out. He hadn’t meant to say it, but Wesley had startled him.

Wesley sighed.

“He doesn’t get it. These kinds of things happen in relationships, but he’s too old and stubborn to know that,” Wesley explained. Peter hummed his agreement, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

\---

Why couldn’t Gamora let him have something normal for once? After all of the space travel and wild adventures, he deserved this.

His dad was interesting and powerful, and nothing could touch them here. The planet was a little strange, but his dad knew his mom’s favorite songs, and he believed in Peter.

Gamora didn’t know what she was talking about.

Until she did.

His mom is dead because of his dad, and his dad is dead because of him.

Yondu is dead because of him, too.

\---

“Wesley, please, I love you.” Peter’s whole body hurt. His head was screaming, he couldn’t feel his heart beating anymore. He was lost.

“I need to do this. You can’t keep holding me back like this, sweetheart.”

\---

Yondu’s funeral is loud and beautiful and crowded. It’s perfect for him.

Peter thinks he should be happy, or content, or something. He’s in the middle of his real family, and they’re safe.

But there it is, scratching at his brain. It’s been there since he left.

This family isn’t going to last, he knows that, but he feels so safe. He feels like he belongs with them. Even their new addition, Mantis, fits in his heart like a puzzle piece. 

He allows himself a moment to love them all, truly love them. It’s terrifying and foreign and a stupid, _stupid_ , idea. Peter doesn’t think he’s been this complete in a long time.

\---

The last time Peter hears Wesley’s voice, he’s arguing with Yondu. He’s hidden around a corner, and he can’t see them.

“You stay away from my boy, you get in that ship and you never come back,” Yondu is angry. He’s rarely angry like this. He acts tough and gets loud sometimes, but this is one of the few times Peter has heard him genuinely _furious_.

“Fine. Just remember that I know where that orb is, asshole.”

\---

They’re called to Terra one day. The message is from a man named Thor (Peter thinks that is the most ridiculous name he’s ever heard, besides Taser Face), and he says that The Avengers are interested in connecting with The Guardians. That they should spend some time getting to know each other, they should train together.

His team turns to him after the audio message ends, probably expecting a hard no. He tries to keep his expression neutral, but his team has known him too long to not see the fear and the longing in his expression.

“I think it’s a good idea,” Gamora offers, “We never know when we’ll need an ally like that.” Peter loves her for offering a logical reason to go.

\---

The Avengers are a strange family, but they are not unlike Peter’s own.

Thor is the God of Thunder, or he calls himself that, at least. He’s loud and jovial and imposing. He immediately triggers Peter’s defenses, but he is still hopelessly fascinated by him. Thor has hundreds of stories about the stars.

Tony, Steve, and Bucky could be one person. They moved, lived, breathed as a unit. Peter didn’t know that was possible, but the way that they love each other seems so natural.

Gamora quickly finds herself a friend in Bucky. Their stories are shocking similar for an estranged alien and an ex-assassin. They spend a lot of time together, and Peter has a sneaking suspicion that Gamora is helplessly charmed by Barnes, but she says that she just enjoys learning new fighting styles. She seems at ease in a way that Peter hasn’t seen on her in a long time, so he doesn’t tease her too much.

Tony gives Peter a new device to play music on ( _Unlimited songs_. Peter could just about faint), so he earns good marks in his book. He is also introduced to a whole “Golden Age” of rock and roll.

Steve and Groot are probably the most unlikely of friends. Still, they spend a lot of time relaxing together. Steve is slowly learning the language, and Groot is slowly learning how to draw. Peter is glad that he’s finally put down his video games.

Clint hits it off with Rocket. Peter is cautious, and he watches Clint from a far until he’s sure that he won’t be stepping on any paws. He immediately regrets trusting Clint, because the duo have become the most chaotic force he has ever seen. He’s gave up on cleaning up after them after their fifth attempt at a trick arrow failed.

Bruce seems to take a liking to Mantis. He’s so gentle and intelligent, it’s easy to forget that he turns into a monster, a fact Peter is reminded of when he is hit with one of Clint and Rocket’s experiments. Mantis calms him down in five seconds flat. Later, Tony will tell Peter that he’s never seen Bruce look so calm, and that Bruce trusts Mantis with his life.

A kid visits for a few days, he’s also called Peter, so he just calls him Parker. Drax is hopelessly confused by the way Parker speaks, but Parker takes pity on him and begins to teach him about something called ‘memes’. Peter is just as confused as Drax, but he refuses to admit it, because making fun of Drax is one of his favorite past times.

Natasha is silent and intimidating, but Peter can tell that she cares deeply for her family. He can tell because she shadows them in the same way Peter shadows his. She starts spending time with him in the library (They have a _whole library_ in the compound) at night, and they let their guards down around each other. She reminds Peter of his mother.

The Avengers are good people, Peter decides.

\---

Thor is the only one who really seems to get it.

Steve and Bucky were still raised on Earth. They know the culture, even if it took them a while to adjust to the way it evolved.

Peter’s only memory of Earth is his mother, and a hospital room.

Thor gets it. He’s lived his life in the stars, still does most of the time. He understands what it’s like to be new to an entire planet. He guides Peter through New York, and helps him through the press conference that the two teams are required to attend. 

Peter discovers, through long talks and dinners at a new place every night, that they’ve been to some of the same places, that they know some of the same people. They have probably been on the same planet at one point in time.

Once Peter gets past the loud and very tall exterior, he finds that Thor is gentle and attentive. He listens to Peter’s stories like he’s some fantastic story teller, though he’s probably heard and done better things. Still, he laughs and smiles along to the Guardians’ antics.

In return, Thor tells him about growing up in Asgard, and about his complicated family. He’s over a thousand years old, but he still lights up like a little kid when Peter asks for stories about The Avengers.

It’s the small things that cause Peter to catch a _bit_ of a crush.

It’s the way that Thor stops to explain ads and store signs whenever Peter makes a passing comment. It’s the way he stops to buy him ice cream when Peter mention that he hasn’t had any since he was eight. It’s the way he places his hand on the small of Peter’s back when he’s leading them off of the stage at the press conference.

They have so much in common, and Peter is terrified. He still doesn’t even try to stop the train from crashing, because _dammit_ Thor is perfect, and he’s tired of holding himself back.

\---

Thor kisses him.

They were planning to leave in three days, and Thor kisses him.

Peter is extremely, overwhelmingly, _tired_.

And yet, a glimmer of hope, of love, settles deep into his bones. 

\---

There’s supposed to be more than this.

There’s supposed to be more than broken trust and failed relationships.

Peter’s sure of it. Even after Wesley, even after his dad, he’s sure of it.

He knows it. He’s seen it, and it looks like 6’6” of strong and gentle God, and somehow he deserves it. He deserves all of the gentle kisses and the sweet nothings. 

He knows because his family taught him his worth.

\---

Gamora pulls him aside the day before they are meant to leave.

“We always have room for one more, you know that right?” Gamora gives him a knowing look.

Peter turns to look at Thor, who is sitting on the couch across the room. Thor is looking at him and smiling. Peter smiles back.

“What’s one more loser?” Peter replies.

\---

Thor is eager to learn every room and every crevice of the Milano. He fits into their family like he was always there.

He laughs at Drax’s attempts at jokes, he spars with Gamora, he respects Rocket, he teaches Groot things about the universe, he’s gentle with Mantis.

He says that he’ll miss The Avengers, and that they will miss him, but that they are a transmission away, and he can fly to them (Peter has a boyfriend that can fly, apparently) whenever he likes. 

Peter stands at the entrance to their makeshift living room and watches his family laugh at Thor, who is animatedly telling a story that is probably about Loki. Thor stops and smiles at Peter when he notices him in the doorway. Peter can’t hold back a smile of his own.

The heartbreak and the broken trust, the lying and the loss, it was all worth it.

It was all worth it, and Peter would do it all again, if it meant seeing Thor smile like that for the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, advice, and criticism is always welcome and makes me very happy!
> 
> tumblr: andrew-writes-things or apieceofandrewforyou
> 
> Prompts are currently open.


End file.
